School sucked so much. Matthias much preferred to draw. In fact, he drew all the time and was now working on a drawing of a fairy.
As his pencil ran on the page, he jumped back when the fairy came out of it.
“You have the power to make any of your drawings come to life, Matthias,” said the fairy with a smile.
Matthias remembered doodling hundreds of penises on his desk at school today.
He gasped. “Oh crap…”
Author’s Note: Once you imagine the desk, you can’t forget it.
The knight lay on the bed. He coughed blood. His gashes were deep and bruises littered his body.
“Doctor,” asked the knight. “Can you do anything to help me?”
“I fear the wounds are too deep for an ordinary cure. Luckily, I have a few tricks up my sleeves.” The doctor gave an ant to the knight. “Kill this ant. It’s the only way.”
The knight squished the insect between his fingers. All his wounds suddenly disappeared and he felt full of life.
“I feel great, Doctor!”
“Of course, you have just leveled up.”
Author’s Note: The only way to understand video games logic is to not think about it.
Chef Gustave gaped at his creation. He had just sliced the thinnest piece of cucumber in the world. It was literally one atom of thickness.
After years of practice in the culinary arts, he had finally made his magnum opus.
I wonder if I can do even better than this, thought Gustave.
With great concentration, he prepared to cut the next slice. This one would have to be less than one atom thick.
The knife fell on the cucumber. Success!
At this precise instant, a nuclear explosion destroyed all of Manhattan.
Author’s Note: And they say there is no limit to self-improvement . . .
Little Jimmy gave a bottle to Stephany. The girl smiled at him upon receiving the present. Jimmy smiled back.
Of course, Stephany didn’t know that he just gave her a love potion. Soon, she would be his. Forever.
As the two of them walked together on the sidewalk, Stephany finally opened the bottle. Jimmy’s heart raced. C’mon, drink and you’ll be mine, he thought.
Then, Stephany screamed. “Oh my god! There’s a wasp’s nest in that tree!” She threw the love potion on the nest. It spilled its content all over it.
Only one word came to Jimmy’s mind: run.
Author’s Note: They say that love gives you wings. Unfortunately for Jimmy, wasps already had some.
“Sensei Omuzaki!” said the little boy. “I have discovered that time travel is impossible.”
“And how did you do that?” asked Omuzaki.
“I now make the solemn promise to dedicate my life to discovering time travel. Also, if I do invent it, I promise to appear right here in front of us in five seconds.”
After five seconds, the boy said: “You see? It’s impossible!”
“You’re a very clever boy. Why don’t you go play with your friends now?”
The boy darted away.
“You’re a very clever boy, Ikazumo,” said the sensei with a grin. “A very clever boy indeed.”
Author’s Note: This would be a great way to prove or disprove time travel, but no one bothers to dedicate his life to it.