Nah, it’s not as cool as it sounds. You hear “time travel” and you think super-advanced technology, amazing adventures, maybe even paradoxes. It always looks so glamorous in the movies, right? The reality is headaches, disorientation, and jet lag.
Actually, the first time I did it, it was an accident. I had come home late after drinking with the guys and thought, I wish I could fast-forward to the end of this lecture, and boom, there I was. The migraine afterwards, not to mention the subsequent divorce, made me think twice about that wish, but I guess hindsight is twenty-twenty.
Author’s Note: Hindsight. Get it?
Please, you have to help me. He knows where I live, he knows how to find me.
We were in the lab, all five of us, finishing our latest experiment, but something went wrong. The thermal reactor, I think, but I had my back turned, I can’t be sure.
Simmons and Goldstein were killed instantly. The force of the explosion threw me into a wall, and when I regained consciousness he was methodically dissecting Harlow, a sadistic grin on his face. Flecks of metal glittered underneath his skin — the chemicals must have fused with his DNA.
He’ll be unstoppable now.
Author’s Note: RUN!
Well, you know, I always thought he was being silly, talking to animals all the time. Imaginary friends, maybe. Ever since he was a baby, barking at dogs, chittering at squirrels–and me thinking, well, kids will be kids. He always got along better with animals than people, but really, who could blame him?
All of a sudden one day, there he is rescuing little Barty, the Weston’s youngest, claiming some stray cat came along and told him where to find the boy, who’d broken his leg while in the woods, all alone. Hell of a thing, don’t you think?
Author’s Note: If I could have any superpower, being able to converse with animals would probably be the one I would choose. That or flying… do I have to choose?
Sally and I met back in ’04, when the bank I worked at was being robbed and she came to our rescue. She fried the robbers just enough to render them immobile until the cops arrived, and then she reached out a hand to help me out from under my desk.
Sure, that shock I felt when our hands met might have been residual charge, but I knew then that I had to see her again.
It took me six dates to earn her real name. We married in ’09. Even now, when we kiss, I feel that familiar spark.
Author’s Note: I wonder if Sally has to deal with static shocks in the winter like the rest of us do. You think dryer sheets do anything for her?
Yeah, Snake Eyes and I grew up together. He seemed like a normal kid back then, though.
I found out senior year that he could talk to snakes. A bunch of us were over at his place playing Halo, and Henry Watkins repeated a rumor about Snake’s girlfriend. Snake muttered under his breath, Henry started screaming, and all I can say is, it’s a good thing Snake’s pet pythons weren’t venomous.
Superpower? I don’t know about that. What’s he gonna do, contact every snake in the country and form some sort of snake militia?
Oh, wow. Seriously? The White House?
Author’s Note: Cue Indiana Jones quote: “Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?”
Athletic, gifted male seeks fun-loving deaf female with good sense of humor.
I’m looking to connect with someone who enjoys frequent travel and the occasional thrill of a life-or-death vacation. I live in a newly refurbished, reinforced steel home at the bottom of Half Moon Bay. The views of the sunrise can’t be beat, and you won’t find a more private or romantic hideaway.
Known associates of El Bandido will be terminated on sight. Nothing personal, amigas, but I am NOT falling for poisoned lipstick again.
Author’s Note: Wouldn’t it be lonely if you hurt the ear drums of all your loved ones every time you laughed or yelled or sang “Happy Birthday” to them? Now imagine dating with that kind of buzzkill. I’m just sayin’.
I didn’t realize I was anything but ordinary until my twelfth birthday, when nobody came to my birthday party. It had been a clear, sunny day, but when I sang to myself to stave off the loneliness, the sky darkened and wept with me. It was the same when Mother died, and I sang her my farewells.
I haven’t cried much since you came along. I thought we had something special going; I thought you were The One. I’m singing now for what you threw away.
Go ahead, move into that hussy’s lakeside cabin. It won’t be there for long.
Author’s Note: Who wouldn’t want to be able to control the rain?
I’m 14 and in 5th period when it starts. At first I think someone’s turning the lights on and off, but I quickly realize I’m the only one seeing the world flicker.
“Are you okay?”
It’s Marcella’s voice, but when I look at her I see bones and organs and entrails. I shriek and fall out of my chair.
Joey and Greg are laughing at me, jeering crybaby and loser.
Joey’s still laughing when the school nurse carries me out, and I glare at him and decide that he looks better without skin, anyway.
I begin to formulate a plan.
Author’s Note: When you think “X-ray vision,” you think “seeing people naked even when they’re fully clothed.” But usually X-rays reveal what’s underneath the skin: bones and organs and such. That actually doesn’t seem like such a glamorous superpower anymore, does it?
Look, this wasn’t what I had in mind when I agreed to babysit for you. “Special needs” is one thing, but “may spontaneously burst into flame” probably should have been mentioned ahead of time. And I guess I should have asked about all the fire extinguishers.
I’m CPR certified and subscribe to a number of different parenting blogs, but nobody seems to have any advice for how to handle onesies going up in smoke. How do you even hold him during these incidents? With potholders?
If you need me to watch him again, I’m going to have to charge double.
Author’s Note: For this one, I started with “look, this wasn’t what I had in mind” and just went from there.
Don’t get me wrong; superpowers are great. That time Vortex had me locked in his dungeon, it was good to be able to walk right out of there and into Ava’s living room. And when Ava’s mission to Jupiter was compromised by that backstabbing General Montoya, it was convenient that she could just teleport herself to the pub and grab a drink with me.
But when things with Metal Man are finally starting to get red hot in the bedroom, the last thing you want is to suddenly be the anchor-point for your teleporting twin. Trust me on this one.
Author’s Note: I started with the idea of twins who could teleport, but only to each other, and I thought, “Wow, that could be really inconvenient.”