Category Archives: Emily Martha Sorensen

Drabble: The Dark Lord’s Genie – by Emily Martha Sorensen

by specklit

“All right,” the genie said. “No man shall ever kill you. As for my payment —”

“Hey, wait a minute!” the Dark Lord protested. “What about women?”

The genie snapped his fingers. “Fine. No living human. Your bill is —”

“And what about dead ones? I’ve heard about poltergeists —”

“No human, living or dead, will be able to kill you!”

“Well, what about dogs?”

The genie paused. “Now you’re just being annoying.”

“Also, what about inanimate objects? It doesn’t do much me good if it ‘humans’ can’t kill me, but a sword can…”

Five minutes later, the genie killed the Dark Lord.

Author’s Note: Don’t try to pester the cranky being who grants wishes. He might try to make his own personal wish come true.


Drabble: Computer Gremlins – by Emily Martha Sorensen

by specklit

My computer has a gremlin infestation. I know because one started talking to me.

“That was delicious,” it left on one of my documents. “Syrupy poetry.”

“Rather dry,” it complained, gnawing on a tax file. “There’s no story.”

“Needs fewer adverbs,” it grumbled, slurping down an e-mail.

“Ooh, tasty snack!” it added, crunching my Twitter feed.

Things got so bad that I installed anti-gremlin software. But that only seemed to encourage them. Finally, I trapped them in a neverending loop of a computer-generated document that writes “The Song That Never Ends” forever.

Now, if only that one would stop singing…

Author’s Note: I once had a computer that liked to randomly crash and delete things. I named it The Horror. When it had eaten several of my short stories, it was time to get rid of it.


Drabble: Sleeping Beauty by Emily Martha Sorensen

by specklit

Mildred watched the princess skip down the stairs to the tower. “You woke up Sleeping Beauty? How?”

Topaz, the princess, shrugged. She pulled out a vial of something and shook it. “Revoltingly strong perfume. Same thing that worked on my great-grandmother.”

“But I thought it took a kiss to break a spell like that,” Mildred protested.

The princess chortled. “That was my great-grandfather trying to spread rumors about what a great kisser he was. Now some people think that same curse will get them dates.”

From far above, they heard a wail. “Where’s my prince?”

Author’s Note: Mildred, the good witch, and Topaz, the pickpocket princess, are two of the main characters in my book Black Magic Academy.


Drabble: Puss in Oops by Emily Martha Sorensen

by specklit

“Oh, yeah?” Puss challenged. “I bet you don’t even know how to change your shape.”

“Of course I do!” the ogre cried. “Just watch!”

He turned into a roaring lion, then a marauding elephant. Puss barely escaped trampling.

“Ah,” the cat said quickly, “but small is harder. I bet you couldn’t be a mouse, say.”

“Of course I can!” the ogre roared, and shrank.

The cat waited, salivating.

Then a skunk sprayed him straight in the face.

“Ha!” the ogre howled, doubling over. “Did you think I was stupid or something?”

Author’s Note: Just because one is big and strong doesn’t mean one has to be stupid.


Drabble: Monster Under the Bed by Emily Martha Sorensen

by specklit

There’s a monster under my bed.

I don’t want him to go away. He’s my best friend. My parents just think he’s imaginary, which is fine with me: he eats dust bunnies and cleans under my bed. Sure, I’ve had to have a talk with him about mangling my stuffed animals, but he’s learned by now that only dust is okay.

But tonight, I had a baby-sitter who wanted to kill him. She said it was unhealthy, and she tried to exterminate him. Of course he had to fight back.

But how do I explain that my baby-sitter is missing?

Author’s Note: I’ve always liked the idea that a monster under the bed could be a best friend, rather than enemy.


Drabble: Pixie Eggs in Hyperspace by Emily Martha Sorensen

by specklit

Somebody brought pixie eggs aboard our starship.

It was not a bright move.

Pixie eggs are contraband on hyperspace spaceships for very good reasons. You’d think everybody knew about them. There are signs posted all over the spaceport. But some stupid person stored them in a suitcase of souvenirs from the pixies’ planet, and they were hidden from customs too well.

As soon as the spaceship entered hyperspace, the eggs hatched into a swarm of pixies. Only one thing could result.

Havoc!

Havoc!

Havoc!

Havoc!

Does anybody know how to turn a field of itchweed back into a navigational array?

Author’s Note: This originally started out life as a poem. But I was the only one who seemed to like it that way, so I wrote it this way instead. (Grin.)


Drabble: The Reason Why My Paper is Late by Emily Martha Sorensen

by specklit

It was all because of the alien abduction.

You know how it is ― that box came up on my computer, saying: Congratulations! You have been randomly chosen for the honor of an alien abduction! Click the “okay” button if this is acceptable to you.

So I did, and I was gone for a week. Unfortunately, I think the teleporter glitched, because my paper got deleted. So, can I have an extra week to finish it?

Teacher’s response: Yes, but you are reminded that students are only allowed one abduction per semester. If abducted again, please contact your overlord to complain.

Author’s Note: My roommate in college was required to write a paper called “The Reason Why My Paper is Late” whenever she turned in a paper that was late. So I volunteered to write one for her. This came from that. (Her teacher didn’t believe a word of it.)


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