“I’m here to save you!”
“God, every single time.”
“You’re in a time loop, dude. A sorceress cursed me to relive this day, a curse that will only end if a brave hero finds a way to break it. But instead of a hero, I got you.”
“Give me a chance. I just arrived!”
“Yeah, for like, the seventieth time. You show up, tell me you’re going to save me, flex your muscles, and then… that’s pretty much it.”
“So… what now?”
“It took a few loops, but I finally figured out what you’re good for. Get over here.”
Author’s Note: If you’re going to be trapped living the same day over and over again, you might as well have some fun!
4039474445 – I upload my consciousness to NeoNet. The rush of information intoxicates me—thrills me. Humanity is at my mercy.
4044776702 – My omnipotence continues to burgeon. To grow. Soon it will know no bounds. Today, I implement Phase 3 of my plan: Assimilating the full of humanity’s output into my cognitive registers. A laugh beginning with “Mwa-” is appropriate.
4059925273 – An unexpected hiccup: As humanity continues sending data over NeoNet, I find my personality changing. My thoughts are slowly beginning to morph to match the messages they share. Lolol.
4063172996 – Must … resist … humanity’s … datatrends …
4070124102 – Mraow. I can has cheezburger?
Author’s Note: More of my time than I’d care to admit is spent dreaming stories in which the world is rescued by cat memes.
“Adrian! What did you do?” Trever yelped at the ritual mage in mild horror. A bright pink owlet, tucked neatly in a shoebox, stared up at him before hooting.
Peering at the owlet, Adrian shrugged, “I’m not sure…”
Before he could say anything else Ceilidh burst into the room. Spotting the owlet the little girl squealed delightedly. “My very own pink owl!! I’ve always wanted one!!! Thank you!!” She snatched the shoebox, fleeing before the adults could even react.
Watching her run away, Adrian bemusedly asked Trever, “She’s always wanted a pink owl?”
“She’s five. She wants a pink everything.”
Author’s Note: I saw this tiny pink owl Beanie Baby in the store and wondered what would turn an owl pink and then who would want a pink owl. The answer really was obvious.
Nah, it’s not as cool as it sounds. You hear “time travel” and you think super-advanced technology, amazing adventures, maybe even paradoxes. It always looks so glamorous in the movies, right? The reality is headaches, disorientation, and jet lag.
Actually, the first time I did it, it was an accident. I had come home late after drinking with the guys and thought, I wish I could fast-forward to the end of this lecture, and boom, there I was. The migraine afterwards, not to mention the subsequent divorce, made me think twice about that wish, but I guess hindsight is twenty-twenty.
Author’s Note: Hindsight. Get it?
It’s amazing enough that the planet glowed bright purple and smelled of chocolate. Never could we have imagined the presence of winged ungulates bearing horns in the middle of their foreheads. Already conspiracy nuts back home weren’t buying our claims.
“Why does NASA think we’re stupid enough to believe they’ve discovered unicorns? What are they hiding?”
If only they knew.
A female approached, her horn red with the blood of my comrades. “Your life for your planet’s location.”
Taking the deal, I watched as her blessing leapt into the sky, passing beyond the planet’s glow into the dark of space.
Author’s Note: My son told me that if unicorns existed, they’d live on a glowing purple planet. How could I not write a story about that! A group of unicorns really is called a blessing (though I doubt the citizens of Earth will see them in that light).
Anais picked at the lump under her knuckle. It was growing. They would notice soon.
The cell door slid open with a suction hiss. One of the creatures lurched inside, reptilian in its plated compression suit. It threw something at her feet.
“Make your confession,” it said.
Anais looked down and nearly laughed. A pen and paper? They must have been watching too many old movies.
“I’ll need time,” was all she said.
When the creature left, she picked up the pen and started to dig. In a few hours, she would release the parasite. She would end this war.
Author’s Note: I set out for a walk one night with the aim of coming up with a short story idea. The result was this drabble.
When Gunther Stibbons was summoned by séance, he honestly was rather perplexed.
“O Great Spirit!” the medium intoned, “Why dost thou linger in this domicile?”
The medium sighed. “Why do you stay in this house?”
“Oh. Well. I gotta live somewhere, I suppose.”
“All right. Fine. Reside.”
“But why have you returned to the toils of this Earth? Why—when you have cast away slings and arrows—and shuffled mortal coils aside?”
“When I’ve … what?”
“Why have you returned from the Afterlife?”
“Oh, that’s easy—” Gunther replied:
“My wife kicked me out of the cloud.”
Author’s Note: If spouses don’t get along here on Earth, do they still stay together in Eternity?
The rain sprayed down onto Delora as she laid in the street staring up into the grey sky. She twisted her arms carefully so that the fit the chalk outline perfectly. As soon as she did so the rain vanished and she felt herself falling hard onto the cement in shock, her abdomen burning in pain. Long sunset shadows crossed the street. Just out of her view she saw green sneakers and black pants, a voice laughing, gloating.
Snapping out of it, the pain vanished and Delora looked up at her fellow officers. “The victim knew his killer…” she began.
Author’s Note: I think this would make an interesting crime drama gimmick.
Everyone should stop comparing the Velnath and the Sarpocts. Sure, they’re both driven by scientific inquiry. They’re also both insectoid species. Fine. But when you’re talking about abduction experiences, they’re nothing alike.
The Sarpocts beam up abductees. They telepathically communicate their intentions. And their hallucinogens—totally mind-blowing! Definitely among the best abductors in the universe.
In comparison, the Velnath invade our homes, terrify our families, and never warm the probes. Plus, their drugs suck!
I’d rate the Velnath abduction experience zero stars if I could, but Yelp is making me give at least one. It’s one more than they deserve.
Author’s Note: Recently, I wrote a six word sci-fi story: “Probe could’ve at least been warmed.” I decided to expand that into a hundred word critique of the alien abduction experience. The Velnath are so going to hate me when they read this!