Dear Mr. Jehovah,
I am a new occupant of Heaven. In my brief time here, I’ve noticed various problems.
I am saddened that you appear to be incognizant of all that happens under Your Holy Nose, such as cheapjacks selling shoddily constructed wings and halos, unfulfilled cloud-smoothing services, nonfunctional devices which purport to facilitate communication with still-living loved ones below, etc. Shysters and scammers abound here!
Unless you attend to this, Sir, I may be forced to seek residence elsewhere.
Jacob Tweedy, Esq.
Dear Mr. Tweedy,
Have a nice trip and watch out for that door behind you.
Author’s note: I once heard someone remark: “If gold rings started raining down from the heavens, some folks will complain that they couldn’t find one to fit.” I wish I knew the original source for that. Nevertheless, I have a plaque on my kitchen wall that says: “Happiness is wanting what you get.” True ’nuff.